Welcome to the Official Web Site of
The Society of Half-Glassed Thinking™
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Researchers have found that we can change our attitudes by changing our thoughts. (For more on this, see the Resources section of the web site.)
The way to change our thoughts is to identify-and question-our negative patterns of thought. Here are some common negative thought patterns (adapted from David Burns' book, Feeling Good): All or nothing. Things are either a success or a failure. There is nothing in between. (This is also known as "black-and-white" thinking. That's why this web site has been done in grey--to avoid any hint of black-and-white thinking!) But most of our efforts get mixed results--there are things wrong with even our greatest successes and things we can build on in our biggest failures. (Remember how Edison failed 10,000 times to find the right filament for an electric light bulb?)
Universalizing. This is all-or-nothing thinking over time. "Traffic lights always turn red when I'm running late." "I never find things I need on sale." We make a few instances, maybe even one event, into an unfailing law. But it probably isn't true that I never hit a green light when I'm in a hurry--I just remember the red ones because I sit there and fume, while I blow through the green ones without noticing. And it probably isn't true that I always pay full price for things. (In some stores, it seems like most items are always on sale.
Magnifying or Filtering. Like all or nothing thinking, these are flip sides of the same coin. In magnifying, we take one negative thing and blow it up so it colors everything else: think of the teenager who gets on pimple the night of a big date, and is sure that the date will be lousy, the other person will secretly be laughing at me, and life will be over. In filtering, we discount anything positive: the boss seemed really happy with of my presentation, but I stumbled answering that one question--I'm sure that will come back to haunt me. (No matter how good I did, I filter that out and only hold on to the negative.) But these approaches misrepresent reality. Many people have gone on to successful lives after the trauma of teenage acne (some have become dermatologists!). Most bosses are not looking for perfection, so a single flaw in an otherwise strong presentation isn't likely to cost you your job. Lighten up!
Jumping to Conclusions. There are at least two ways to do this. One is mind-reading, assuming we know what someone else is thinking or why they acted the way they did: she didn't call be back because she doesn't like me. Maybe. Or maybe she's been busy, or sick, or out of town, or lost your number. If you don't know, you don't know. Fortune-telling is mind-reading directed toward the future: I'll apply for that job, but I'm sure there will be someone better qualified who will get the job. Maybe. Maybe not. Again, you don't know. Why make predictions that drag you down, when you have no way to know whether or not they are true?
Believing Your Emotions. Your emotions don't reveal the truth. They reveal what you are thinking (or maybe that you didn't get enough sleep last night or are coming down with a cold). Most of us have had the experience where at one time, maybe late one night, we feel discouraged about completing a project, while at another time, maybe after a good night's sleep or making some progress on the project, we feel much more positive. Which feeling was correct? It all depends on whether you finished the project! The point is that our feelings change. Your feelings are not reality, they are just your feelings. You don't need to believe them.
Labeling. Labeling takes universalizing or magnifying/filtering to a personal level. It's not just that senior management disagrees with me on this issue, but they're all total idiots. It is not just that I always fall short in some way, but I am a failure. It is unlikely that the senior managers in your company are total idiots and even less likely that they all are. This kind of labeling, however, only sets up an us-versus-them dynamic which is unlikely to be helpful, particularly as the senior managers are not likely to be such total idiots that they will not eventually pick up on your hostility and suspicion and "help" you find another place to work where you might be happier. It is even more damaging to label yourself as a failure or a loser. By doing so, you create negative expectations that can become self-fulfilling. Besides, it is unlikely that you fail at everything: did you get out of bed this morning? make coffee? drive to work? find your desk? See, you didn't fail at everything. There are some positives here. See if you can build on them.
Personalization. Personalization means taking responsibility for things not under your control, feeling responsible for things that are not your fault. If I had just stopped to talk a little longer with my wife that morning, she would have left later and not been at that intersection when the truck ran the red light and slammed into her car. OK, maybe so. But how could you have known? And maybe if she'd left later, she would have been involved in a more serious accident at some other point in her commute. You'll never know. The point is, it's not your fault. Don't take responsibility for things that are not under your control. Focus on the things that are.
As you challenge your negative thoughts, you need as well to cultivate positive thoughts. Read more.